Derby’s longest established family-owned funeral directors says giving families a ‘proper goodbye’ matters – and direct cremations can lead to regret.
Helen Wathall MBE, the managing director at Wathall’s, says funerals help people to process loss and celebrate a loved one’s life.
Whilst direct cremations are chosen with good intention, Helen believes they do not provide the sense of closure for people.
She said: “Despite the growing popularity of lower-cost options like direct cremations, I know that funerals have a powerful role to play in helping people with their personal grief journey.
“An online cremation with no funeral service or mourners in attendance, can carry unintended emotional consequences and leave people with unresolved grief and a lingering sense that something was missing.”
As part of Dying Matters Week, which runs from May 4-10, the campaign, Let’s Talk About Death and Dying, aims to encourage more conversations around death, grief and planning ahead.
A report by the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF), surveyed 1000 people. Findings revealed the importance of a ‘proper’ goodbye, and the powerful roles funerals play in helping people navigate their grief.
The report revealed almost a fifth (18%) regretted their decision to go with an online cremation and 15 per cent said they didn’t feel it was handled with care.
For many, the impact was long-lasting. One in five (20%) say the experience left them or others with unresolved grief, emotional gaps or a lingering sense that something was missing.
This is reflected in changing attitudes, with 21% saying that, as a result, they have since told their own families they do not want an online direct cremation when they die.
The same number also regret not discussing their loved one’s funeral wishes while they were alive, highlighting the importance of having these conversations early.
The survey points out that funerals can play a critical psychological role. One in four people (25%) agreed that attending a funeral is an important first step in the grieving process, providing structure, ritual and a chance to say goodbye.
Helen said: “We need to change the narrative that booking a funeral from a TV ad is always the right thing to do. Sometimes, and more often than not, people need to talk to an experienced funeral director.
“A funeral can start the grieving process and we know that a direct funeral can sometimes leave people with unresolved grief, emotional gaps and a sense that something was missing.
“From this report, we now know that almost a third of people are more likely to process grief after attending an in-person funeral. This really does highlight the importance of talking to us before making decisions, ensuring families understand their options and the emotional impact of each choice.”
Wathall’s strongly advises families to discuss a loved one’s funeral wishes while they are alive. The Derby-based funeral directors says having a conversation early can establish what a family member wants after their death.
During this week-long campaign, people are being encouraged to talk openly about their wishes and consider not just the financial aspects of end-of-life planning, but the emotional impact on those left behind.
Helen said: “It is so important to give your loved one a proper goodbye. A funeral isn’t just about loss, it is also about remembering them, connecting and the start of your healing journey.
“If you do one thing this week, during Dying Matters Week, it is open up a conversation and talk. Have that awkward chat with your loved one and I guarantee that you will feel better for it.
“So many people regret not discussing their loved one’s funeral wishes while they were alive.
“Obviously, at Wathall’s we are always here to help and support and will guide families through the process – but get talking now and start some end-of-life planning.”
You can read more about the campaign here: https://www.hospiceuk.org/our-campaigns/dying-matters
